“so embrace the one you can’t replace”
and i hate this, it comes, it goes depending on my will and it hurts so much more this time and i have nothing clever to say. oh i know this like the back of my cliche but fuck i am so lost. i promised myself if i had to ask myself this question again it would be the last time, and so many things would become the last time and i would survive with little more than my broken heart and wasted love, loyalty, dedication, effort, submission, stagnation, loneliness of the best years i have left. i had every right to want love, happiness, romance, respect, appreciation, understanding, credit for being sane in my insanity by sheer force of will. i have every right to these things, i have EARNED these things. i am pretty (so people say), i am fun, i am amusing, i am eager to please, i cannot be replaced, i can be spontaneous or make it to the party on time, i am a friend, i deserve love and appreciation and someone who really wants ME, ME! there is so much of ME going to waste, being belittled, being dismissed. my will to live is slipping away with all the love leaving my broken heart. i’m amazed i still have tears left to spare.
and i’m asking myself again.
my future is now uncertain. will i be loved or will i find love?