“I love Twinkies, and the reason I am saying that is because we are all supposed to think of reasons to live.”

by kaleidegirl

so once more with feeling. the last time? this fool will likely waste away hoping for foolish things. so it goes and goes and goes.

you don’t have to stay anywhere forever but staying is so much easier than starting again. no longer wondering so much if this is the end and that is where I need to be. still the fear holds me like chains.

i will try…again. can i? do i have the strength of will anymore? time will tell.

i’m going away in the spring and i need my friend and the grinding noise of trains and the crowded city streets, even if i am freezing so close to that big lake, i need sparkling wine and late nights and no TV. if i can’t find myself before then i will surely find what i’m needing there. even if only for a week, i will bring it back with me and live again.

i will try. there is still love left and i will do all i can to find all the rest that has been chipped away. if i must i will dig it out from under the cold winter snow, or i will wait for the cool rains of spring to wake me and remind me where to look. if all that fails, summer heat and summer nights may burn those old happy memories back onto my heart. if i am very lucky i will have a partner in this desperate search.