People are complicated creatures…

by kaleidegirl

I am a thinker and prone to daydreaming, zoning out, and getting wrapped up in a frenzy of thoughts and ideas. Sometimes before I have even climbed out of my bed. Today was one of those days where I realized something about the people in my life and learned something about myself and how I react to this.

I don’t seem to have that one very best friend that I can call at all hours or talk to every single day and all that BFF stuff. Sometimes it bothers me a bit but mostly I’m grateful that what I actually have is about a dozen or so people that fit that criteria.

My brain throws strange things at me sometimes and yesterday it decided to start brewing up a desire to understand why so many people are more easy going and eager to be kind or apologetic or forgiving, while others take offense, make assumptions, judge and make others feel bad just because they can or because if they aren’t happy then no one else should be either.

Those people that want to make me feel bad and bring me down…well I don’t have time for that and I’m just too sensitive to be guilted for being nice just because I’m not also psychic.

I’m not talking about anyone specific. My memory isn’t that good. When it happens again though, I will make a note of it and try not to let it get to me while probably feeling sorry that so many people in the world choose anger and judgement over a million more positive ways to deal.

Last night I talked to a friend that I love dearly and we had tried all day to meet up but it just wasn’t in the cards and we both expressed appreciation when we both apologized for forgotten calls or just having to bail. We also both agreed that this is just how life is and why get upset.

It was refreshing.

My husband is the polar opposite of spontaneity so I try not to drive him crazy with my “let’s just do this” mindset. On the other hand though, I need that side of me, I need it intact for what little sanity I have. In the throws of a years long identity crisis I need any tiny part of myself that I find and recognize as ME.

So I have learned that about the only time I can be reliably counted on at a specific time is if I must be. Appts, promises, obligation. These things or Chris saying this is when we leave, let’s go. I cannot predict every possible variable and yes, I am making efforts to organize and manage my time better but every ignored alarm stresses me out a bit.

So I will keep trying. Tomorrow I will run faster.

If any of this made sense, YAY!!