my grandma passed away yesterday. she is loved and missed by a great many family and friends.
and i find it relevant to note that this is my daughters great grandmother on her dads side. my in laws have all taken me in and loved me as their own but i felt it the most from Grandma and Grandpa (who passed away a couple years ago, barely). Maybe because they were the closest i had to family at my second wedding. they accepted my new husband and family much like they did me.
the idea of family looms like a great gift i received from other peoples families, but never my own. i treasure the feeling of belonging and will miss my grandma as if she were my own all my life. her absence is a heavy weight. maybe because just over a week ago it seems was the last time we spoke on the phone and within days she went from happy, laughing, and seemingly healthy to struggling to breathe and ready to give up the fight. i don’t blame her. i hope i have the strength to decide my end on my terms the way she did.
it all happened too fast. probably especially for her daughters and their families who were with her as all this happened. we didn’t get to say goodbye and i should have spent more time with her but my last time speaking to her in person was a good visit even though she was in the hospital soon to have major surgery. a surgery she later laughed off as no big deal. only Grandma could say that about major brain surgery. i will miss her laugh more than anything.
i really don’t know how to do this. i’ve had great support though and i’m trying very hard to live the way my grandma did. the way we all should. with kindness but toughness. i’m trying to shake the petty things, worries about my appearance, in favor of focusing on my health and happiness and not taking the rest of the family i have for granted.
i like to think that Grandma would appreciate her passing having a positive effect on her loved ones lives. She was a very genuine person and brutally honest while still fiercely loving and kind. that takes strength of character like i had never seen until getting to know my grandma.
if you have read this, please say a prayer, send healing thoughts to her daughters, sons and grand and great grand children, her many friends and her 3 cats who have graciously been taken in by one of those great friends.