just let her crash and burn or maybe read her blog for a change

by kaleidegirl

*trigger warning*  if you know what this means then it applies to you.

it doesn’t happen often and for many years i’ve been baffled when it does. suicidal thoughts. i’ve worried in the past that it was a dreaded dealbreaker side effect but i finally figured it out.

clearly i do not ever really want to die. i think though that my brain goes to that place when it is worn out, tired, wasted. the energy needed to keep up a facade so intricate as mine is exhausting on so many levels. so when my brain thinks the bad thoughts it is just a roundabout way of saying it is done for awhile.

so

i need to do something to unwind my brain, give it a real break.

so

the walls are coming down for as long as it takes for my brain to recover. i will wear what i want. i will wear as much or as little make up as i want. i will speak as much or as little as i want and i must take a break from people pleasing. i’ve no intention of being overly selfish, obnoxious or rude, just ME. just real. if i am having a bad day you may hear about it if you ask, same goes for good days.

yesterday was good/bad. depending on the hour.

so far today has been OK.

my dragons need salad. the crickets came. my two least favorite responsibilities.

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