with all my thoughts and all my faults

by kaleidegirl

my schedule has changed itself. i’m sleeping later and feeling lost about what to do with myself. i need to really work on getting to rehab more. these constant headaches and i mean constant every day headaches have really made life pretty difficult. i find myself unable to do simple things like read without making it worse. some days it is too bad to tough it out and do the things i need to do. i even had to reschedule an appt because of it. i’ll be finding an allergist more locally since that is not part of the transplant process. i hope that dr, an allergist, will have some answers for me. i also hope i’m not allergic to cats or something. it doesn’t seem like they could be causing the headaches but what if it is something like that? we had the birds for 8 years before i really had symptoms of lung disease. everything has changed. i like foods i never liked and meds are affecting me differently than they used to. i have even developed a bit of a resistance to anesthesia. what is this life?

i tried to leave my hair alone but i hated it so i have my new dreads in. i’m finally losing weight, sort of. a little bit. if i barely eat. i’ve taken to wearing glitter eye shadow. i don’t know what that is all about. the vanity is strong with this one. i’m waist training for awhile now and have seen zero results. i’ll be wearing it longer whenever i can. i’ve handled an hour a day just fine all this time i’ve been doing it. it doesn’t seem to be affecting my breathing so i may start wearing one when i am out and about.

that seems to be all i’ve got. things just feel empty lately. my days are too empty. my hobbies are collecting dust but so many things make my headaches worse. i think that is the real issue. i try to read and my head hurts more. i try to play my piano, same thing. etc etc so forth and so on.

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