and it echoes when i breathe

by kaleidegirl

i’ve been obsessed with food for awhile now. dieting does that to everyone right? i’ve only got 4lbs to lose to make my drs happy and i’d like to lose at least 34 to make me happy. maybe it won’t take that much. i won’t know til i get there. honestly i’m surprised that i’d be happy at anything more than 140lbs but i was just starting to appreciate my body the way it was before all this busted lungs nonsense. i swear it was the prednisone that caused all this extra weight. i wasn’t overly upset at 170 but 160 is better. healthier. i’m ok with being overweight a little. if it means i can live a somewhat normal life and still be healthy. see? obsessed. i’m counting the calories before i’ve eaten them. planning how many carbs i can have trying to find a way to have a real meal with my husband. like if i have a shake for breakfast or just yogurt and a low carb frozen dinner for lunch i can safely have steak and veggies for dinner. but then i remember that we may be going out this weekend and i’d like to have a cheat day so we can go out to eat. we haven’t done that in so very long. i like to do that because its a good meal that my guy doesn’t have to cook.

so yeah. i have my food all planned out for the day.

i measured myself and lost several inches all over so that is pretty awesome. i’ll be getting extra exercise today with the cleaning i plan to do. i’m trying to work on getting the house cleaned it just takes me a long time with all the breaks i have to take.

goddamnmotherfuckingbustedlungs.

i’m done doing dreads at least for awhile. my steamer died died died on me and i’m not getting orders so i can’t really afford another one right now. i wanted to really make money at it but it just doesn’t seem to be in the cards. we shall see. maybe when halloween gets closer the freaks will come out and want dreads.

speaking of hair i am so very sick of mine. i had to take my dreads out because i was having trouble sleeping in them. i think the new set i made was just too long and thick. it sucks. my hair is so short. i hatehatehatehate it. i hope i never need to cut it for real again. i know i will have to keep up on it for awhile as i go through this awkward stage. i hope the vitamins i am taking will help it grow a bit faster. if you have any suggestions for helping with that tell a bitch.

i’m ready for sweater weather. really. i have so many great sweaters and they are just begging to be worn. not to mention i prefer hiding under a sweater rather than always wearing tanks and shorts. fall is trying to emerge. i’m cheering it on. come on fall!

that is enough rambling. time to obsess over my day. need to do my workout soon and make a plan for getting more cleaning done.

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