am i worth coming home to?

by kaleidegirl

i have been wondering why i bother

my days are too long

my nights too restless

i can’t sleep because i am anxious

i am anxious because i can’t sleep

my hot cider is too hot

it makes me strip away my sweater

and push aside the comfort of my blanket

but it is the most happy i can find

in a whole day

the music is never loud enough

to drown out these thoughts

i am skipping every song even though

i love them all

nothing fits the way it should

i don’t fit here

i drive the speed limit these days

these days i have no where to be

my days are far too empty

nothing here to occupy me

i’m afraid to go to the basement alone

haunted by demons imagined in a movie

i saw weeks ago

i hate my hair

it grows so slowly

i hate my face

it is far too fat

i want to climb up

out of this deep deep hole

full of nothing

not even me really here

less and less of me every day

especially if the thought of food

keeps turning my stomach

so i keep wondering

why do i bother

why does he bother

why should they

and so each day goes slowly by

as i sit pointlessly and wonder why

i’m not trying

to pull you in to my misery

this pit of pity

i have let consume me

i forgot to mention i am dying

i feel like a petulant Georgia Lass

whining for this life

when i’m not doing anything with it