i can’t live the way i’ve been living. i just can’t do it anymore. i miss my people. i have been sitting around in a listless daze with nothing to say and nowhere to go and then i decided to go old school and call my people and see how they were doing.
i kind of called too many people. two answered the phone. one came over for coffee. two called back. one of which i switched over to after explaining to my sis how hard he is to get a hold of and the other person called back while Jocy was here for coffee. yet another texted me in the evening to apologize for missing my call. the apology wasn’t needed but was sweet and with all of this i felt my old life again.
i can’t justify taking healthy lungs from someone doing more with their life. someone worth all the trouble and sacrifice. someone has to die for me to live and that is a huge responsibility and i want to be worth it. so i’m reaching out even more and i’m going to get out with my camera more and i’m going to just be more. i’m going to strive to be a life worth saving.
i’m also working on not being so butt hurt about all the people that seem to have washed their hands of me. we don’t fit into their clique and i’m an adult so i need to do the adult thing and get the fuck over it. yesterday proved to me that i still have great friends who don’t mind my manic rambling and actually think highly of me. it was nice to hear someone tell me how much they miss me and say such nice things about how well i raised my daughter. so *ding* turn the page as the ever quotable Kayla would say.
time to go see what my scale says and if i want to bother going in to the drs for an official weigh in. 1.9# to go. cross your fingers.