the unbearable gift of life

by kaleidegirl

Tell me how to believe
Is karma really such a bitch,
Like everyone says?
Do I wear something special,
Will that help my cause?

They say I look great
They say I’m so brave
They say I’m their win
They say and say and say

It’s my everyday, my tired and my guilt.

If I could just do better
If I just exercised more,
Skipped dessert,
If I stopped at one glass…
Rather than three.

They call it a gift.
They call it a blessing.
They even call it a miracle.
I call it more, more time, more moments, more sunrises and sunsets.
More of my selfishness.

We throw around all the cliches,
No idea how literal they truly are,
This is my life, this is me, finally,
Lifting up to release the pause button.
But what is this life?

Show me how to pray
Do I have to kneel?
That will hurt my rug burned knees
Teach me about faith and
Why I have never had any. These things plague me, leave me lost and confused.

The worst part
When you are unhappy
You have to be sure no one
Sees or hears because
“At least you can breathe”.