i am sorry for the trouble, i suppose

if one more person says “at least you can breathe” i’m gonna fucking flip a table.

yeah, breathing is great, even though i still get short of breath. not having to drag oxygen around and being limited by how much i can take places is awesome.

yes, i was fully aware of the side effects the meds would cause but they still fucking sucked the first couple months and still do just not as much.

i’m still pretty limited. i’m weak, my legs get tired and sore easily, i fall a lot more than i used to during my binge drinking days. i get very discouraged when i think i can do something i couldn’t during the last 2 years and it turns out i can’t. trying to keep up on photography at an event last weekend was real painful but i was determined. well after my fall i was pretty upset. i cry a lot. i didn’t used to. it was like i was just too apathetic to let feelings happen.


at least i can breathe.

fuck you

do people say that to you when you complain??

no, they don’t. they say things like “that really sucks, i’m sorry”  “is there any way i can help?” etc etc so forth and so on.

yeah, i can breathe, mostly, and i have to do a lot to make sure i can continue to do so. i have to avoid crowds and be wary of possible sick people and wear a stuffy mask quite often. i have to use sanitizer constantly and i have a good amount of meds to take every morning and night. i have to drive to A2 at least once a month. in Feb i have to sit for 6 hours with an IV getting an infusion to fight a virus my new lungs came with.

i really just want to curl up in bed and watch disaster movies all day and not see anyone or talk to anyone.

i want to hide.

but at least i can breathe